lordandrei: (Oooh)

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Andrei begins to get better, Aiden proves he’s an impressive engineer in his own right.

lordandrei: (Why me?!?!?)

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Andrei sets forth on the next stage and it starts with endless forms.

lordandrei: (Default)

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

To believe that I wasn’t going to experience any emotional gullies would be absolutely fool-hearty.  I know I’m going to have moments of absolutely doubt over the next period of  my life. My amazing spouse thinks that this is the vector in my life where I need to stop pairing myself up with Mega-Corporations and [...]

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Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Playing on vacation

lordandrei: (Default)

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Life… Don’t talk to me about life.

lordandrei: (Aha! (Feel the mystic realizations))

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Andrei takes a step into his recent past and doesn’t hate what he sees

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Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Not every flight greets you with entertaining companionship.

lordandrei: (Default)

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Where I explain the delay between part 2 of (now) 4 and part 3.

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Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

I traced this from the web by hand. The purpose of this is: To bring back both a Thief, and the Goods which be stolen; and to discover all Wickedness, and Underhand Dealing; and to punish all Thieves and other Wicked People and also to discover Treasures that be Hid Tonight I sleep waiting to [...]

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Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

Where the plot thickens, a clue is left… Or at least a note in Spanish. Help translate!!!!

lordandrei: (The master teaches....)

Originally published at Lord Andrei's Blog. Please leave any comments there.

How did my translated Spanish go? A minor victory? Sort of…

lordandrei: (Default)
close to about 9pm. Aiden wasn't difficult to get down. But unfortunately, the rigours of the day (an internal company focus group) and having to run home because Aiden got sick (or at least massively uncharacteristic in a sick like manner) at daycare necessitated me to leave work early and retrieve him. Somewhere in the early evening I managed to also crick my neck badly. So many pain killers later and I fell asleep.

Waking up this morning I saw several text messages I wish I hadn't missed. I've also caught up on email.

Sleeping through life kind of sucks.

Life is (as many are aware) very difficult right now. The words from the "Yes" song "Changes" of of 90125 are very appropriate in my life again.

If my posting seems more superficial, lacking, or seems to go away for a while... it's just the way I feel.

Thank you all, you've been a very sweet audience. We'll notify you when the next performance is scheduled.
lordandrei: (Oooh)
So, the weekend started with me doing a presentation on programming in a new language to my team. My first presentation and about 80% of my team is in there. Lots of people. No pressure ;)

Afterwards we had a Friday celebration for a really cool guy on the team that has now been in our group for 10 years. I spent the bulk of that period discussing Doctor Who and Highlander and explained that Highlander IV was actually a really amazingly good movie.

I get to the car. There is reggae music playing. [livejournal.com profile] shimmeringjemmy really doesn't like Reggae... so... weird.

I get in the car and she looks at me and says, "Sorry I don't have room to get down on one knee... but, would you like your ex-girlfriend's ring." Which she then placed on my finger.

This unto itself requires explanation.... A really cool person I was involved with about 1 year and a half back and I exchanged rings. After we broke up she asked me to keep the ring she gave me. And I wear it daily. I took it in last week for a cleaning to a jeweler we use.

H picked it up today while I was at work. But, in our family sense of humour.. she couldn't merely hand it over. So, she came up with the contrived sentence above. Which between the reggae, the class, the discussion on Highlander, and everything else... my brain went FWEEEEEEE!

Guess it's time for a new Doctor Who... At least that'll make sense. It's not like unexpected relatives are gonna pop up out of nowhere for the Doctor.
lordandrei: (Default)
Yesterday was a long day. Tuesdays for me often are.

I have many people in my life that make me very happy.

lordandrei: (Why me?!?!?)
So, if it's not obvious... my relationship with LJ has been (in a word) neglectful.

This isn't really anything new... it's been at least 4 years in the making. No really, I did the research. (Cool link)

Which is strange. I like having and giving an opinion. I just haven't.

Posting has become difficult. Work keeps me very busy. So reading and posting at work is unlikely. This of course is coupled with the fact that there isn't a whole lot I'm doing right now at work that I can really give details about. The major facts are out there (yes, Microsoft is shipping an all new version of Microsoft Office for Mac in the second half of 2007)

The smaller details? That's either NDA intellectual property or sufficiently geekish-mac-msft-tech than no one would really appreciate it.

Geeky on the side, I'm playing with Wikis and I really love it.

So.. what about non-work life?

Well, as everyone warned me... I don't have much of a non-work life.

I have life with a nigh-toddler.

Don't get me wrong. Boy fills me with love, happiness, yadda*3.

But he does so at what often-times feels like a cost of everything else.

So... why aren't I Posting more?

Well, the Happy takes up a lot of time and I really don't want to cut into the Happy to post about it. I don't even get to post about the Happy when relaxing over Chai. (Yes, that was an inside joke. You can ask me al about it some other time)

And then there's the non-happy. I don't post about that either. LJ is a wonderful tool. I still to this day adore it, but it's gained such a horrible reputation for being the dumping ground of teen-young adult angst and drama.

So, posting only the annoyances doesn't seem right either.

Side note: I often consider how individual people interact with me. I basically contemplate what I say to specific people to make sure, I'm not always behaving one specific way for one person.

So, yes... There's been happy. There's been not-so-happy. There's been life as a new parent. There's been the pursuit of feeling like me and feeling that me is supposed to be around. There's been feelings of complete disconnect.

There's been me.

I keep IM open as much as I can. It's pretty much my cell phone. (The latter of which I can now report is once again working) But I don't have time to engage people socially. I can interact... but I just don't have the time (and on some level the motivation) to try to create a conversation online. I'm more than willing to participate in them... but sadly, I am primarily messaged by spammers.

Happily, the people close to me in my life have kept me far saner over the last few weeks than they know. And I am thrilled for each of them. I am pretty sure they each know who they are. They have also IM'ed me from time to time.

I'd like to post more. I'd like to make some grand statement that I'm going to start posting more. But this is also part of what is in my life at the moment. Great intention and absolutely horrific follow-thru. Right now, don't let Andrei agree to anything. I suppose it's just safer that way.

Here's hoping July improves a notch.

Written last evening about 4:30 pm.
lordandrei: (Default)
Dearest diary.. 13th of September, in the year of their lord 2006. Day 10 of my captivity.

The drums.. the drums!

My dearest [livejournal.com profile] schnookiemuffin asked me yesterday how things were having a child.

To answer this I need to roll back to about 2 years ago. A co-worker asked, "How are you enjoying being married?" I considered it and realized... I've lived with her for over a year and always enjoy her company... it really doesn't feel any different. I just get to spend lots of time with one of my favourite people in the world.

So... how are things with the baby?

It's a little surreal. Yes... I admit... watching the henson-eque visual effect of my son emerging out of the body of my love was one of the most emotional experiences of my life. After a few days of the amusement... I got over the feeling of, "So... they're not going to take this away."

Now... this wasn't a feeling that I really wanted them to take him away. More along the lines of for the first few days he felt like 'a loaner.' Yeah, Andrei... we know you're gonna have a kid so... here's one to play with for a while... Try to actually get used to it so you're ready.

Only thing is... this was the real thing and he's not a loaner.

But it's no less surreal. See... we're in the reallllllly early stages. We have 'baby'. Like the ones you NEVER see on TV or in the movies. There's very little acknowledgment of the universe around him at this point. I have flashes of Dr. Keller wondering if he's blind and deaf the way his head and eyes tend to lol (sic) around. (I've always wanted to use 'lol' as a verb, mind you. Even if I've spelled it wrong.) [livejournal.com profile] shimmeringjemmy assures me that he's neither blind nor deaf and it's just a lack of muscular control. I am the dad... so this means, "Okay... un-huh... you sure?"

So now we are into day 10. Yes... tomorrow he will be unable to count the days of his life on his hands. Unlike the past 10 days where he's been unable to control them much at all. (No, [livejournal.com profile] sea_gaagii. No boxing gloves)

His regimen is pretty much what you'd expect. Sleep, Breast, Soil... lather, rinse, repeat. occasionally there is fidgeting and crying when we can't quite figure out which of the above he wants or is transitioning between.

I'm trying to keep busy while being attentive. It's amazing how I've transitioned from active to passive in this thing. I really can't feed him (without help) and H spends a lot of time co-sleeping with him.

Amusingly, every-time I look at him. That internal neuron in my brain fires off and he's the cutest thing in the world that I must protect with my life. Which of course has added some severely bizarre and sometimes annoyingly bothersome dreams.

I think we spent so much time anthropomorphizing him in the womb, that I expected a slightly higher level of sentience. But none the less, I can pick up an arm while he sleeps and it falls like a rag doll. A breathing, quivering rag doll. (Oh.. I'm going to give myself another nightmare at this rate)

I want to do more with him. Unfortunately, at this point.. the biggest game we have is, okay..let's not look like drunk baby. Time to play strengthen that neck muscle.

It's not bad. Really it isn't. I'm crazy about him. Even when he makes a grimace that looks exactly like my dad having gas.

It's just weird... and different... and glorious... and I look forward to when I can share this all with him on a level he'll get. (and this thought is making me all misty eyed and sh&#)

I'm a dad. Who'd have thunk.

Final reaction... )
lordandrei: (Default)
Wednesday evening. (06.03.22) I did something for the first time in nearly 10 years.

I auditioned for a theatrical show.

I haven't talked about Theatre much on this journal. Which is something I'm now noticing as Ironic. I think part of the reason I discovered I was poly was a realization early on.

One of my first major Girlfriends asked me, "Do you love me more than anything in the whole world?" and I answered, "No."

The GF was obviously taken aback.

I looked at her and said, "My first love is Theatre. I am sorry. You'll have to understand that about me now. I can't explain it or understand it any more than I can explain why I'm drawn to you. But if it came down to a wrestling match where you'd make me choose... I don't think you'd win."

I'd dated a woman in college who I'd met through the SCA. She sat me down at one point and laid down the law for me. She said there were 3 things that I'd need to fix to make me the perfect boyfriend.
1) I needed to stop cheating on her.
Interestingly, it would be 5 years from then before I'd ever 'cheated' She was jealous that I had a female friend who was important to me.

2) I needed to dump that SCA crap and get away from all those freaks.

3) I needed to forget about all this silly theatre stuff and get a real job.

So obviously we broke up.

Sadly overtime her curse/wishes came true. All three. And I regret every one of them... In the case of 2... It wasn't the SCA.. It was letting someone tell me which friends and companions were right or wrong for me.

In the case of 3... I let theatre get away from me.

I remember when it came back to me. I remember when the ghost of what I was looked me in the idea and said, "You remember who you are?" I went to see the film Chicago. I wasn't really familiar with the show.. but the film looked good.

Stunning film. Loved it. Was depressed for 4 days, sobbed to myself that night.

The SCA satiated it a bit. Well, as long as I stuck to Shakespeare, nothing else was really taken to seriously. The OTO satiated it a bit. As long as I stuck to liturgical texts and seeeeeecrit rituals.

All the while... thinking... "You know, some day, I'm going to direct Noises Off."

Then came Rent. When I first got introduced to the soundtrack... it didn't move me. I didn't know the story of La Boehem. It just didn't click. Then I listened to it more. Then I figured out what it was about. And then I remembered my own time as the young film maker living on my own in squalor, walking away from my family, detaching from the world, looking for my voice.

I remember sneaking to my home town after failing out of college and spending the weekend with friends who were pretty much on the same social level of low money and establishment resistance. Right down to taking a close friend, an unwed pregnant mother to the local hospital after we'd all been up all night long and an argument with an ex had given her a fear and symptoms of a premature labour.

I saw Rent. And good or bad.. it's a part of who I am. But it didn't pop the bubble.

I'd been doing rituals in L.A. OTO but... the flash of the city just didn't connect me to theatre. I don't want to say they were bad... many rocked mightily. I moved up here and took part in a rite. Probably the most lines I've had in a long time in a script. The process was long and arduous. At times I doubted my own process...but stayed at it. The Show must Go on (An interesting story or two from my past)

This was interesting because months earlier we'd had a karaoke night. If anything would have driven me back in theatrical process that night did. But this was different. There was an audience. A big audience. There was an incompetent theatre critic there. The performance was fulfilling. But in a way that opened flood gates.

Wednesday I auditioned for a potentially professional workshop show. I read script, I sang a few things. (Yes, I willingly sang). I did puppetry. I made the folks at the table laugh. The director looked at me at one point and said, "You're really good." (Note to directors... Never do this during an audition ;) I walked out feeling like I'd nailed the audition.

Now, granted.. in the past 12 months, I've walked out of about 10 on site interviews and phone screens thinking I'd nailed them... And I didn't. And it got under my skin... a lot.

It honestly doesn't matter if I got this or not. I went back to something that makes me feel like absolute me... 100%. And it felt good... and it felt right.

The show? I think it may actually interfere with every plan I have in June. It's really not likely that I'd be able to accept the role because it actually rehearses during potential work hours. Which kinda bums me.... but at the same time... It's not the only show holding auditions in the Seattle Metropolitan area...

It's just the first one that I've gone to... And it's not the last... And this too is why I am loving life.
lordandrei: (Default)
I love my life..

I have not worked in a year. And this sucks. I work towards getting work every day and I remain optimistic that my employability is not completely over.

That being said.

I am very much in love with a woman who's agreed to be a part of my life for as long as there is Will to love. A woman who I am not afraid to raise a child with which she will bring forth from both of us in 5 months. I am in love with someone else who loves me back for who I am even though the timing in my life leaves me at times stressed.

I am doing work on a volunteer level that I love. It is one part clerical, one part theatrical, and one part personally spiritual. I don't always agree with everyone in the group... but that's okay. It's the nature of the work we are doing. Over time I have become a real and recognized Ordained Priest. I feel still compatible with the beliefs I was raised with and believe my religion and faith to be strong. I perform religious ceremony, pastoral work, and organizational support work. And even when it frustrates me... I am still happy to be able to do the work.

I have people entering into my life on a social level. Some I'm dating, some I'm developing deeper friendships with. I have activities I participate in. I have projects I do. I am developing a business.

Oh... I have a cat. She's a freak. Her mass increases by 25 times in the middle of the night when she climbs into bed and hogs the covers.

And one more thing that will be posted in a moment. Yes, as for now.

I love my life.
lordandrei: (Default)
The good,

The Girlfriend is in town visiting. More details on that will be in my S&F filter. If you're not on the filter... see the top post on my journal page.

The bad,

A ritual I've been planning and orchestrating for the past month and a half has just gotten axed because the kindly old man who leases us space decided to plan furnace repair on the day we'd scheduled and notified us the day before. More on that will be posted in my OTO filter.

The ugly,

I've had a stomach thing for about 8 days now. It's not fun. The nasty part is that it is now aggravating my "Guess-it-isn't-diverticulitis" and I'm having severe pain in my colon area again. It's getting inflamed and I'm having difficulty moving, standing, etc. It might be best that the 'bad' occurred for me. Assuming it doesn't continue to get worse (it's been getting steadily worse since it manifested Wednesday night) I have another CT scan on Monday.

My next week is FAR too busy to be sick on this level now. :(

I will make these other posts... but right now, I'm just trying to stay out of the bathroom for more than an hour at a time. groan
lordandrei: (Default)
Be careful what you wish for...

Translation: Oh, my

More forthcoming.

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